How to Build a Strong Rapport using NLP Mirroring And Matching Techniques

Build A Strong Rapport

NLP Mirroring And Matching to Build a Strong Rapport

If you want to build a strong rapport with another person on a subconscious level, then you can use two effective NLP techniques – mirroring and matching. What you will be doing is acting in a similar way to the other person and try to establish a good connection. It is vital to building good rapport as you will be able to express your viewpoint and ideas, and the other person will more readily acknowledge these.
In general, human beings have similar appearances, move, act, and sound like each other, and they will note these similarities at an unconscious level, which leads to most people getting on well with others. We do this naturally so that our world can be harmonious.

In order to build a strong rapport with an individual, you need to emulate that person using the mirroring and matching technique. Start by observing people that hang out in groups together and get on really well. They seem to be in sync with each other as they use similar gestures.
Mirroring and matching can take several forms. You can mirror and match someone’s posture, their voice, their facial expressions, and their gestures and words and more. Sitting across from an individual you can mirror the position of your head, hands, and legs. When they speak, note their gestures and the way that they move their hands. Use the same gestures.
To be effective with mirroring and matching you need to use discretion. You do not want the other party to know what you are doing. Use mirroring and matching action a few seconds after your subject.

Crossover Mirroring

Crossover mirroring is an effective NLP technique where you will change some parts of your physiology when a subject changes theirs. The changes will be different but still, produce the mirroring effect.
As an example, let’s say that an individual moves their leg in a certain way. You can use crossover mirroring by moving your hand in a similar way. Notice the person’s breathing patterns and then use your fingers to tap this pattern on the table in synch.

Other Mirroring and Matching Features

Facial Expressions

Mirroring and matching facial expressions can work very well. How does your subject blink? Observe this, and mirror and match it. What about their facial expressions? Replicate the tension that they use in their facial muscles. How does your subject use their lips? You can mirror and match this movement as well.


Another feature of mirroring and matching is to emulate the breathing of another individual. When people talk, they normally breathe out so you can breathe out while you are listening to them. Watch for when they breathe in and you take a breath in at the same time. If you are talking, then try to breathe out when your subject is breathing out.


Adopting a similar tone of voice is another great mirroring and matching technique. If you can match the tonality of another person’s voice, then you will have a much better chance of building rapport. You are not trying to mimic their voice here but use the same tonal quality, pitch, speed and volume as your subject.
Some people will speak very fast and others very slowly. Some will speak in a soft voice, and others will use a loud voice. So if they are speaking in a loud voice, then you must speak in a loud voice too. You can achieve instant rapport when you are able to mirror and match a person’s voice properly.

Mirroring and Matching Strategies for Dealing with Anger

If you are in a confrontation with an angry person, then be careful not to emulate the “angriness” of that person. It is quite possible that the other party is using abusive language towards you and shouting at you. In this case, take a neutral stance and use neutral words to reply.
It will help you in this situation if you mirror the physiology of the person who is angry.
When you are responding, you can use similar gestures. You can use a voice tone that matches volume (not shouting), pitch, quality, and speed. You must not make any of these responses threatening as this will only aggravate the situation further.


We hope that now you will be able to build a strong rapport and establish a good connection with anyone, may it be your boss, colleagues, friends, your children, and family. Keep reading our other posts to learn more specific applications of NLP and how it can help you in your personal and professional life.

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